45 days after

it's been forty-five days since i returned here in cebu. the first seven days were blissful. i spent my twenty-third birthday with the important people in my life. i spent as much time as i could with my adorable niece and my sister whom i really missed, enjoyed family dinner since i have dined alone for too long and missed my sibling's company, went out to see my best friend, bonded with fellow cousins and my grandma. it felt good coming home.

fourteen days after, hell started to take place. i knew that my permit was not processed, i have been duped, the bastard who owns the agency even planned to extort some more money from me. i couldn't go back to malaysia without presenting a valid work permit because immigration people are tight-asses. i didn't have much choice but to stay home.

i know very well that i must find a job here, for the mean time. i also know what the sunday paper's classified ads contain and i hated reading the shit. call center,call center, call center, call center. did i mention? call center. i hate the fact that call centers have become the only available jobs that will give you a hefty sum of salary every month. i hate the fact that it leaves me so little choice. and i really hate the fact that it's going to make do something i do not want to do, to work there.

no, the call center world does not impress me. the job sucks. everything about it makes me miserable. just thinking of having to work there makes me miserable. it automatically lowers my self-esteem.

but i need a job and i really need money. i need to get out of this house. i want to be alone again. i want and need my independence back.

so, i guess this is going to hurt my pride. i guess, i'll have to work there. damn it.