it's been forty-five days since i returned here in cebu. the first seven days were blissful. i spent my twenty-third birthday with the important people in my life. i spent as much time as i could with my adorable niece and my sister whom i really missed, enjoyed family dinner since i have dined alone for too long and missed my sibling's company, went out to see my best friend, bonded with fellow cousins and my grandma. it felt good coming home.
fourteen days after, hell started to take place. i knew that my permit was not processed, i have been duped, the bastard who owns the agency even planned to extort some more money from me. i couldn't go back to malaysia without presenting a valid work permit because immigration people are tight-asses. i didn't have much choice but to stay home.
i know very well that i must find a job here, for the mean time. i also know what the sunday paper's classified ads contain and i hated reading the shit. call center,call center, call center, call center. did i mention? call center. i hate the fact that call centers have become the only available jobs that will give you a hefty sum of salary every month. i hate the fact that it leaves me so little choice. and i really hate the fact that it's going to make do something i do not want to do, to work there.
no, the call center world does not impress me. the job sucks. everything about it makes me miserable. just thinking of having to work there makes me miserable. it automatically lowers my self-esteem.
but i need a job and i really need money. i need to get out of this house. i want to be alone again. i want and need my independence back.
so, i guess this is going to hurt my pride. i guess, i'll have to work there. damn it.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Sunday, August 16, 2009
insomnia
I think this is the third Monday in this month that I came here in the office without getting any sleep. I'm sure I look like a walking zombie. Not to mention my skin looks pasty and ugly as it already is. I don't know why I'm having trouble sleeping during Sunday night.
Okay, I admit that I did have a rather loooooooong catnap as soon as I got home from a recording with RTM (being the Corp Comm exec, I had to go with the Aquila Emas artistes for this exclusive recording for Hari Raya). I got home at 5:00 pm, went straight to bed and didn't wake up until 8:30 later that evening. I knew that I had to do something rigorous so that I'd feel tired and sleeping shouldn't be a problem. So I ironed all my newly laundered clothes, some of them seriously didn't want to be ironed because they still look crumpled much to my disappointment. I finished around 1 am and while the tiredness was still there, I quickly jumped on the bed to close my eyes and doze off. But no. My head was spinning with ridiculous thoughts and the next thing I knew, it was 5:30 am and the first prayer for the Muslims was being played in the nearby neighborhood. I started to feel sleepy but didn't dare to do so because I know, I would wake up late and get myself in big trouble if I show up in the office by 10am. So I made breakfast ( the first one I had in a long time, hahaha), took a bath, spruced myself (tried to not look sleepless but failed) and then went to work.
Now, my eyes are about to drop and I cannot wait for 6:00 so I can go home and just sleep. I don't care about missing dinner, I ate two full meals today anyway. I couldn't afford gaining more unwanted calories.
If next Monday I'll still come to the office without any, I seriously should go to the doctor and maybe get some sleeping meds. And then I'd be tempted to take all of them so I can sleep like Rip Van Winkle.
Okay, I admit that I did have a rather loooooooong catnap as soon as I got home from a recording with RTM (being the Corp Comm exec, I had to go with the Aquila Emas artistes for this exclusive recording for Hari Raya). I got home at 5:00 pm, went straight to bed and didn't wake up until 8:30 later that evening. I knew that I had to do something rigorous so that I'd feel tired and sleeping shouldn't be a problem. So I ironed all my newly laundered clothes, some of them seriously didn't want to be ironed because they still look crumpled much to my disappointment. I finished around 1 am and while the tiredness was still there, I quickly jumped on the bed to close my eyes and doze off. But no. My head was spinning with ridiculous thoughts and the next thing I knew, it was 5:30 am and the first prayer for the Muslims was being played in the nearby neighborhood. I started to feel sleepy but didn't dare to do so because I know, I would wake up late and get myself in big trouble if I show up in the office by 10am. So I made breakfast ( the first one I had in a long time, hahaha), took a bath, spruced myself (tried to not look sleepless but failed) and then went to work.
Now, my eyes are about to drop and I cannot wait for 6:00 so I can go home and just sleep. I don't care about missing dinner, I ate two full meals today anyway. I couldn't afford gaining more unwanted calories.
If next Monday I'll still come to the office without any, I seriously should go to the doctor and maybe get some sleeping meds. And then I'd be tempted to take all of them so I can sleep like Rip Van Winkle.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Hello, blogging!
Finally. I'm making a blog. Well, I've had this since last year but never really put something in here (it was required for one law subject that we make a blog and post our assignments here and obviously, it's empty which means, I didn't make any). I don't know why but it just seemed that writing didn't like me so much last year.
But now, thankfully, my writing genes break is over and I'm starting to write again.
I am not expecting avid fans for my blogs. I know I won't be able to update this blog on a daily basis since I could only write when my menstrual period is near and my hormones makes me think all sort of dismal thoughts. But I'm going to try to update this regularly. If you wanna know how my mundane day went, that is.
Anyway, here's to the first entry! :)
But now, thankfully, my writing genes break is over and I'm starting to write again.
I am not expecting avid fans for my blogs. I know I won't be able to update this blog on a daily basis since I could only write when my menstrual period is near and my hormones makes me think all sort of dismal thoughts. But I'm going to try to update this regularly. If you wanna know how my mundane day went, that is.
Anyway, here's to the first entry! :)
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